It is no surprise working as an advocate in a shelter can be a stressful job. At The Nest, a day as an Advocate involves reading, catching up on the residents, filling out and filing mountains of paperwork, receiving phone calls from victims in crisis, offering a supportive and coaching shoulder to cry on for women and children, conducting educational, transformational groups and getting a houseful of people where they need to go as they rebuild their lives once devastated by domestic violence.
It can become a little overwhelming if you yourself are not supported by others who understand.
As any person with experience in a high-stress environment knows, at times of trauma it is absolutely crucial to be able to lean on a roomful of supportive teammates who understand what you are going through and care enough to help you get through it.
Management at Help End Abuse for Life (HEAL) and The Nest recognize the importance of having a healthy team and have built a foundation to empower their Advocates through some of the busiest and most intense times ever facing the shelter. When The Nest first opened in 2007, Barbara Mader and her staff at High Mesa Healing Center provided a day of the inaugural “Heal the Healer” training to the new shelter Advocates. Staff who attended that program 7 years ago still remember, with great fondness, the work they did there.
This past December, all of the Advocates from The Nest met at the Sanctuary on the River for Heal the Healer II, a quiet morning of learning, sharing and growing, generously facilitated by owner and life coach Debbie Haines-Nix. Nix is a charter board member for HEAL and The Nest.
Advocates enjoyed expanded conversations about effective communication and empathy. All participants received a card with different advice about aspects of negative communication such as self-deception, misrepresenting, gossiping and perception of others. The attendees shared what their cards said and what it meant for them.
The group also discussed their personal values and how they relate to their work as Advocates. They examined what had drawn each person to become an advocate and what they most tried to contribute to their work in the shelter, and then shifted toward goals and priorities to those of the team during the next few months. The team spotted a major problem – a few Advocates did not have viable, sound, self-care plans in place to help them deal with trauma and stress of their work. They ultimately decided to develop a program with help from each other and put those plans into action.
As the morning progressed, the group discussed issues they were facing at work and possible solutions. The group learned about four agreements that are essential to effective communication: to say only things that are necessary and constructive, to avoid taking things personally, to avoid making assumptions about others and their situations and to always do your best. The group determined that the agreements were important not only for teamwork, but also for working as Advocates.
Finally, everyone headed to Sanctuary’s remodeled kitchen and together prepared a meal of tomato basil soup, grilled cheese croutons and salad and took some time to unwind while reflecting on what they had learned.
Since the retreat, staff at The Nest have become closer and more active in their roles as teammates and friends.
“We are so thankful for what Debbie taught our Advocates at the retreat,” Shelter Manager Terry Thompson said. “We have been able to overcome issues that once could have undermined our work in the shelter. We are a very mission-focused program and staff. Because of that, we welcome these kinds of tools for our Advocates so we can continue to build our compassion and empathy for one another, as well as for the women and children we serve.”
Pictured is the new kitchen at Sanctuary on the River, where HEAL staff recently did a staff team-building retreat with life coach Debbie Haines-Nix.
